Tag Archives: metropolis

Alchemy

Last night, on the spur of the moment, my date and I drove downtown to the community theater to see the play, “Dirty Rotten Scoundrels.”

What an experience.

The production was dreadful.  Not only did the leading lady sing off-key, but the actors’ performance was also appalling.  It was high school talent at best, and I overheard fellow patrons express their disappointment at the performance and the hot stuffiness of the theater.  It seemed that the air conditioning was turned on only for the adjoining café.  Perhaps this was a cunning move on the theater’s part:  Leave the air off in the theater so that patrons can buy cold drinks in the café during intermission.  It makes good business sense, upon which I am sure they capitalized, because the line in the café at intermission was long, and it snaked out the door.

So we left the theater at intermission, as did many others.

We walked the sidewalks around the playhouse.  We discovered tiny frogs that climbed the walls of the Cultural Center.  We walked the side streets and main streets, enjoying the old historic neighborhood and its long-standing houses.   We even walked up the stairs of an old historic house, which is now a museum.  We peeked in every window until we saw a mass of brown fluffiness by a door.  Was it a dog?  Was it a raccoon?  Was it a pile of towels?  We didn’t get close enough to find out.

We continued walking the streets.  There was a wedding celebration at a restaurant  We listened to an Elvis impersonator from the sidewalk.  There was an early 1950s Packard automobile parked on the parkway teasing me with its still mysterious story.

We found ourselves in an ice cream parlor and had icy lime coconut gelatos.   The parlor still had the shadows of the old house it once was:  tall baseboards, wide trim, and plaster walls.  Barely visible were the ghosts of walls where once were bedrooms and the like.

As we continued down deserted sidewalks, we marveled at the clear night and the quarter moon.  It was late – practically midnight – and we returned home, ready to face another adventure as it would present itself, knowing that a dirty rotten play could turn into an evening of silver and gold.

©2022, excerpt from “Tales from Yodel-O Land”

Coil Up with a Short Tale

Coming out of the house last evening, I started walking down the long winding sidewalk to the driveway, with Handsome right behind me.

I jumped and cried out.  My heart pounded a little harder.

At my feet on the cobblestone walkway was a small black snake – or was it some sort of large black worm?

Handsome kicked it with his foot.

It was just the hook from a broken plastic hanger that washed in from the storms this past weekend.

©2022, excerpt from “Tales from Yodel-O Land”

Wigged Out

At dinner the other evening, we sat at a table in the back of the restaurant.

A couple sat in the immediate table opposite.  He was a large older man, globular and with an equally bulbous nose, dressed in shorts and a nondescript T-shirt.  His hair was an obvious Just for Men “Darkest Red Brown.”  What made his look even funnier was it was even more obvious his “hair” was a thick and wavy wig.

Who knew Just for Men made wigs?

Heebie Jeebies


Oh, the randomness of the creeps:

  • Yes men
  • On a plate.
  • Fried Twinkies®.
  • Crazy old people.
  • Mother-son dates.
  • Fried Snickers®
  • Laws against Nature.
  • Father-daughter dates.
  • Bandwagon jumpers-on.
  • Huge basement centipedes.
  • Predators – the human type.
  • Lake water with floating seaweed.
  • Headcheese, when seen very close-up.
  • Raspberries, for same reason as headcheese.

The Biting Cactus

Slept in this morning – 8 o’clock!  Well, my day is shot.  Ha ha.  Took a shower, had a quick breakfast of buttered toast and Earl Grey tea, then we were out the door.  I didn’t bother to take my jacket since the temperature would hit the low 80s.  My sweatshirt would be enough. 

We drove out about 7 miles northwest to the Apacheland Movie Ranch in Apache Junction, by the Superstition Mountains.  What struck me the most here were the massive mountains – let me say:  Oh! The colors!  Violet-brown with touches of orange-red, the dry land, and the menacing greyish-green Saguaro and Prickly Pear cacti.  Jeanne complained she overdressed and was “too hot.”  We stayed for a few hours, casually walking around the buildings and taking in the fresh air.  I noticed some corralled horses, so we wandered over to a thin, weather-worn man wearing a lopsided cowboy hat who took care of the “for hire” horses.  We talked awhile about Apacheland while I petted a gentle roan.  I found out that this is where the television shows “Death Valley Days”, “The Rifleman,” “Gunsmoke,” “Wagon Train,” and “Have Gun Will Travel” were filmed.  And – get this – the Elvis Presley’s movie, “Charro!,” was also filmed here.  The white wooden chapel in the movie was here, too.  (I don’t know for sure, but I took his word for it.)  Alas, we didn’t horseback ride today but resolved to do that another time.

Before returning home, we stopped and had lunch at Superstition Skies restaurant.  The BBQ beef sandwich and baked potato were good and hot, just right for a hungry appetite after all that fresh air and walking.

We returned to Gold Canyon, there was time before the next activity, so I decided to climb the cacti-covered hill behind the house.  It was still warm enough to go out without a jacket; my sweatshirt and jeans were enough.  I heeded Jeanne’s warning to make sure I didn’t step on a cactus because they are dangerous with their spiky needles.  The hill was steep, but not enough to deter me.  A couple of times I slipped slightly on the gravelly dirt and watched carefully for cactus.  Evidently, I didn’t watch that carefully, because near the top of the hill, one of the short and nefarious cacti bit me.  The nerve!  Its needle pierced my left boot and stuck ever so slightly into the side at the arch of my foot.  It stung and hurt terribly.  I carefully stooped down, then found a nearby rock to sit on.  I grasped the needle with my left thumb and forefinger and pulled it straight out.  Yes, it hurt, even after I removed it.  I rested awhile, then I put my boot back on and limped a few more feet to the top of the hill.  I took in the scenery for miles around, then hobbled back down the hill and to the house.  Once there, I took off my boot and sock to see the damage.  The spot on my skin was red and a little puffy; I soaked it in Epsom salts and put some Bactine on it.  By the time I went to bed, it was getting better, and I didn’t limp anymore.  I really don’t know how that needle got into me, since I was very cautious.  Who knows?

Anyway, Tim and Vicky came by around 5 o’clock.  They are a very talkative couple; mostly him.  Very.  Like an endless loop on a tape recorder.  They brought a couple bottles of Cabernet Sauvignon, and before we knew it, the five of us were on the patio grilling steaks and imbibing.  Orrie lit the piñon pine in the chiminea and the aroma mixed well with the grilling beef and asparagus.  I had an extra helping of asparagus with my perfectly done rare steak.  A second glass of red was my limit, and we talked and talked until it got too chilly to stay outside.  We decided the five of us are going to Tucson and Pima tomorrow.

©2019,”The Biting Cactus,” all rights reserved.

Strange Neighborhood, Indeed

The neighborhood is a strange place, with a strange atmosphere and even stranger people.

It is enjoyable to sit in the plaza on some afternoons and early evenings and watch the comings-and-goings of the hoi-polloi and hoity-toity whist drinking a hot coffee.  This neighborhood is one of the most curiously interesting in the area.

There is the group of chubby women, giggling and bouncing to the pool for water aerobics, darkly tanned, save for their pitted and pasty white legs.

A group of neighbors sit at one table in the screened in patio, laughing and yukking it up, slinging profanities, and ordering another round of drinks.

The men’s softball club comes rolling in their golf carts, whereby nine men file into the diner one by one, hollering and shooting shots, eager to make their grand entrance.

Near dinnertime, the decorated and sports-themed golf carts arrive, one by one.  Alighting from them are the bleached blonde women with alligator skin and too much Mark Kay make up.  With them are the men, beer belly dripping over their stretch belts, checkered shorts, and heavily perfumed with Canoe or Stetson.

There will be the occasional single woman, poured into stretch pants and her cleavage popping out.

And when one walks into the diner itself, all eyes turn to judge the newcomer, followed by whispers and glares.

These are the people who are the keyboard commandos when they are home, sniping at each other, calling names, deriding one and all. They are the ones who always have some gripe, whether it be the security gate, who uses what profiled picture on social media, complaining about this and that, going in circles and never resolving anything. They will criticize neighbors’ names, not knowing that the names are real, in a sense.

They are a sad lot. Strange, indeed.

Ribbon Sindwitchez

Attending a dinner party Friday night last, someone suggested we trade stories of the strangest incident that happened to us the past week as we headed out to the balcony for digestifs.

One-by-one, we played raconteur.  The stories were hilarious, some a bit naughty, a few over-the-top.  Laughter permeated the night air, and soon my turn came to be the anecdotist:

Earlier that week, my planned supper was kielbasa (a type of Polish sausage), sauerkraut, and rye bread.  All I had at home was the sausage, so a walk to the grocery store was in order.

As I was checking out with a loaf of Jewish rye bread and a bag of sauerkraut, the young male checker asked, “ ‘r’  ya makin’ ribbon sindwitchez?”

“Pardon me?”

“ ‘r’  ya makin’ ribbon sindwitchez?”  He smiled largely.

Only understanding the word “makin’,” and not understanding the rest of anything else he was saying, I winged a response.

“Oh, I’m making Polish sausage tonight.  Sort of a tradition on Tuesday nights.”

He smiled.  I smiled back and wished him a good day.

I strode out of the grocery store.

It was only until I got outside that I realized he was asking if I was making Rueben sandwiches.

©2022, excerpt from “Tales from Yodel-O Land”

So It Begins

It has been a long time since any blogging was accomplished by this writer.  There was a time, indeed, under a different blog name, where the posts flew fast, every day, and with a gentle mission of something close to journaling.  Then the posts dwindled down to four a week, then to one, then it was time to press the “delete” button and move on with life as it were.

Now, a couple of years later, this blog has returned.  New name.  New purpose.  Same blogger. Fresh beginning.

The purpose of Colcannon Metropolis is to encourage intelligent thought and discourse about the world, everyday life, as mundane as it might be at times, and to provide entertainment in thought-provoking ways.  There will be posts about daily life, world events, and whatever tickles the writer’s fancy.

Why “Colcannon Metropolis”?  This writer is an observer of people, life, and events and has the background and education to put forth intelligent and firm observations. 

The “colcannon” of the name refers to the famous mashed-potatoes dish of Ireland.  The “metropolis” is in reference to the famous 1927 German dystopian film, Metropolis,directed by Fritz Lang.  Therefore, “Colcannon Metropolis” is a blend of the mashed-up world and dystopia that every person is a part of in the 21st Century, yet underneath there is something delicious.

The frequency of these posts has not yet been determined, and there will be a regular schedule to entice, electrify, entertain, and awaken readers to the realities and logical aspects of life.